Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
