i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize