Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
