At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
