She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
