A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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