you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
