please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
