I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
