Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
