If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
