I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
