They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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