Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can I color on your dick again?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
