When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
