Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
