i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
