I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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