I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
