Your mouth is God's brothel.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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