woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
