wakey wakey hands off snakey
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
