real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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