Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
