He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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