i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
