Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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