I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
