Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize