just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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