my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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