What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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