My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
