Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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