You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
