Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
