I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
