ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
