You work out of a Hotel?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
