Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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