i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
