I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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