Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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