Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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