Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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