Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
