Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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