have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
