i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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