I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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