You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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