I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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