Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
