You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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