i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
