I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
