Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My pussy is not your playground.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
