Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
