I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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