I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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