We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
