Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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