if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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