He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
