My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
