You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I AM VODKA MAN
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
